This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
