Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
