the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
