Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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