Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
