how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
