One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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