we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've blown a few things in my day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
