Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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