They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
