Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
