guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
