Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
