you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
