whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
