Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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