the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
