The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
