If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
