Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
