she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
