Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
