Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
