Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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