just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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