Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
