I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This house was built for laser tag.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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