ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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