i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
