i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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