Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
