I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
