Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There r osticjed everywhere
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
