goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
