Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
