I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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