She is in my trunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
