Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are we still banned from the library?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
