See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
