i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
