as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
third nipple confirmed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
