i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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