mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
