My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
