hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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