why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
