i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
