Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
