I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
