Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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