Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
