M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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