No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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