Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
